The Ass and the Grasshopper
An ass, having heard some grasshoppers chirping, was really into it. He became so crazy with desire for such a treasure,; he demanded to know what sort of food they bought that gave them such rich voices. They replied: “The dew”. The ass resolved that he would live on only the finest dew he could get at Whole Foods.
In a short time he died of hunger.
The Cock and the Jewel
A cock (not that kind), while scratching in the dirt for food for his chicks, found this precious stone. (It might have even been a piece of gold.) “If your owner…”-, this is the cock talking -, “had found thee, and not I, he would have set thee in his safe deposit box at Chase. But I can’t eat you.”
“I would rather have one edible corndog, without mustard even, than all the jewels in the world.”
The Ass and His Masters
An ass, belonging to a health food store owner who gave him too little food and too much work, asked a god—in this case, Jupiter—to find him a new gig. Jupiter warned the ass that he would regret it. Anyway, he gave the ass’s resume to a guy who made saltilloas (Mexican floor tiles). The tile maker hired the ass immediately.
Of course the tiles were heavy to schlep from interior designer to interior designer and the ass soon begged Jupiter to once again find him another gig. Jupiter said sure, but this was the last time (even a god has his limits).
Jupiter called in a chit and placed the ass with a tanner. The tanner of course turned the ass into a knockoff Gucci clutch. The ass’s last words?
“Hee haw, hee hee haw.” {Translation: Feeling hunger, feeling the sting of a heavy workload, both beat dying.}
The Oak and the Reeds
A very large oak fell over during a global-warming-induced weather event. It fell across a stream next to some reeds. The oak assumed they were jazz musicians.
“Daddy-oh, HOW is it you so light and weak man, and still, these strong winds don’t blow you away?”
The reeds said: “We don’t fight the wind like you big man. We’re cool. The least breeze? We bend over. We don’t break. Later we bounce back.”
Stoop to conquer.
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