Good News Joe!

So when I saw that the $1.9 trillion COVID relief bill was going to make it through the senate, I eagerly sought out my buddy Joe.

“Joe, did you hear? You’re gonna get a $1,400 stimulus check.”

“Gotta smoke?”

“Joe, you know I don’t smoke. Do you have direct deposit by any chance?”

“You mean, do I have access to a working toilet?”

“Um…they can just send you one of those debit cards.”

“I don’t believe in the debt paradox promoted by a capitalist society’s need to exceed last quarter’s consumer spending levels.”

“But did you file your taxes last year?”

“Taxes? You know I’m homeless right? I mean, I sit out here even on the bad weather days.”

Before I could reply, Jose drove up in his F-150.

“Jose, great news! You are going to get a $1,400 stimulus check.”

“No way, man. I’m what you white elites now call a ‘non-citizen’. Eh, pero, I preferred ‘illegal alien’ as it sounds like I carry a cool ray gun.”

“But you could use that money to pay for your mom’s meds.”

“Sure, why don’t you just sign your check over to me? Or did you make too much to qualify?”